Much needed advice. I myself got stuck. I wrote a lot to make it clear. And just so you know what I've already tried...
Our family is already 8 years old, at first we lived in a civil marriage, we got married two years ago. There were never any particular problems. During these years, only one thing did not suit me: my husband treats me like a mother (it's not about age, he's a little older than me). It is expressed in everything. For example, if I don't wash his socks, he will wear dirty ones. At the same time, he is able to throw things into the washing machine himself and press the button. And he does it periodically. But they rarely figure it out on their own. I have to tell him to do laundry. And so it is with everything. He does not want to make decisions and take responsibility. His plastic card with a salary is always with me. He gave his salary - he did his job. And what the money goes for, whether it is enough or not, what to do when it is not enough - he is not interested. I say - problems with housing, you need to increase the area, he answers - well, if you want, please. He won't even express his opinion. And if something goes wrong, I'm the only one to blame.
However, he refuses to help me. If I say that something needs to be cooked to eat (with an indication of what exactly, otherwise he will cook pasta), he can do it. He grumbles, but he does it. I'll tell you to tidy up - grumble and tidy up. However, it must be controlled. Otherwise, the pasta may not be salty, and the cleaning may not be of high quality.
And so they lived. I decided everything for myself and for him. It's hard to think about everything, remember everything, rely only on yourself. AT last years I even had to think about how his parents and friends would not be offended by us.
Sometimes my husband bucks, saying that he does not like the decisions that I make. At the same time, he does not offer his own. He is only really interested in poker on the Internet. Lives a dream that he will win big money. It is true that he won several thousand rubles, but considering that he has been playing for several years, he spent more on the Internet.
Four months ago we had a baby. At first I thought my husband had matured. And he just became more executive than usual for a while. To today he was rather tired of both me and the child. Yes, he helps a lot. I only command "husband - that, husband - that." So that there is no very strong pressure, I give him the choice "you sit in the nannies or run to do things." When there is a lot to do, the husband grumbles. When the task is completed, he sits down in front of the TV or at the game. Expresses dissatisfaction with each new assignment. I feel offended - I generally sit for rare minutes. Or with a child, or housework. He also feeds me breakfast. At the same time, promises with the word "tomorrow" are extremely rarely fulfilled.
And how hard it is for me. It's hard to decide everything. Taking care of laundry, replacing old clothes with new ones, lunch and dinner, buying food, paying utility bills, doctors and vaccinations for the child, congratulating his parents on the holidays ... He can’t even buy his own pants. Set aside for "someday". So, for a month now I have been asking my husband to give me an hour to talk about the housing issue. To which I get the answer "Do not take out my brain, there is enough at work."
No strength, I'm already crying. And with health problems after childbirth. Not serious, but as soon as you solve one problem, another pops up. Yes, and there is no particular opportunity to solve them. Who to leave the baby with? Now such age that with grandmothers cries.
I tried several times to talk about what was written above with my husband, but he does not understand. The other day I was offended, they say, "I, in your opinion, do nothing" (but why don't I do that?). I went the other way - I gave him 3 areas of responsibility to begin with (paying a communal apartment, making sure that the cat has food and toilet filler, making sure that potatoes are at home). In response, "Aha-aha", but things are still there.
Another problem is that we used to be together everywhere. In the last months of pregnancy, I was unable to lead the same way of life, sometimes my husband went to friends without me. And now, when it is still very Small child, we can't go to parties and meetings. Husband wants. And he doesn't think that I'm tired and I need help. And that without him I can’t do everything, for example, I can’t bathe a child. I am not against periodic absences, I even understand their necessity. But he would have warned in advance, somewhere he would have agreed with his mother to help me in his absence with the same bathing. And he wouldn't come back in the middle of the night. But if he left, then he does not know the measures. He seems to be in a bad mood with us now.
The husband asks if he can go with friends. If I say no, he stays at home. But then in this case I become an enemy of backgammon. AT last days began to feel that her husband was ready to rebel. The opportunity to sit with friends at our house and a couple of times a month to chat with them outside the home does not suit him. Tonight, once again, I began to "take time off", although in the afternoon we talked about what I was against. Then I replied that it was not my mother to forbid him. He has his own head. He happily got up and left. And when I grumbled, I was surprised, "you let me go, why are you dissatisfied with that."
I'm so tired. And I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not so much tired physically (that doesn't bother me much), I'm tired mentally. Responsible for everything. I want to feel support from my husband so that he takes some of the responsibility. Well, at least he just showed that he cares. And he only shows dissatisfaction. I swear at him, I do something not the way he would like. And I don't do anything. And I don't hear it either. But where in the current situation to get the strength to do everything, everything, everything THAT is what? For the umpteenth time already recent months thought about divorce. But the baby and I won't survive on welfare. Officially paid a little more than the minimum wage, the rest - in an envelope. Benefit 3500 ... And to go to work with a 4-month-old baby is not an option. It's not a financial issue - I would have left. And the most offensive thing is that my husband is not bad, it's just that there is no understanding between us. And how to get through, I do not know. I tried to start conversations, but didn’t go far, I get an answer with the phrase “brain removal”. What to do?