IVF and psychological assistance: there are options! Artificial insemination of single women. What you need to know

Date: 10.04.2019

Psychological preparation for IVF is perhaps the most important factor for the success of the procedure.

If you and your husband decided on artificial insemination, it means that you have been dreaming of a baby for more than a year, worry that nothing works, and wind up yourself that you can never become parents at all.

Remember that the probability of conception and the successful development of the baby depends on many factors: on the age of the couple, their health status, the quality of the drugs used, etc.

Experienced reproductive doctors say that 50% of the success of an IVF program depends on the psychological state of the spouses.

Right mood

Important overcome your fear. Even if you already went to the doctor, decided on an IVF, underwent an examination and started the protocol, fear can still remain and periodically remind yourself. And the closer the crucial hour, the stronger it will be. And here it is important to determine its cause.

Suddenly, nothing happens? You understand: if it does not work out the first time, then use the second attempt, again it did not work out - the third. You need to fight for your happiness! In the end, every time the chances increase dramatically.

Afraid of the operation itself? The procedure lasts less than an hour, and the operation can be called very conditionally. Thanks to anesthesia, everything will be painless, and thanks to its specialists, it’s also with a high chance of success.

What if it turns out then? Fear of radical changes in life is quite typical for people. But he should not prevail over your desire to become a mother, a good mother. Believe that life with the appearance of the baby will turn out in the best way. Of course, the fear of responsibility for a small life is natural, but it is important to believe that you will be able to bear, and give birth, and raise a happy child.

Do not think about surgery before IVF. If the situation is tense at work - take a vacation (after all, not an ordinary event is approaching). If there are problems with relatives (they don’t understand why to go to IVF, they think that you have decided a problem), take a break from them. You really need it, then they will understand.

Fill your life with bright colors, joyful events and impressions: go to a concert, go with your husband on a romantic trip or have at least a romantic weekend, re-read your favorite books, in the end! So you will increase the chances of an early pregnancy.

Victoria Derkach, psychologist: “For the best success from IVF, draw yourself an image of the future baby. Not specifically who he will look like, a boy or a girl, but just an image of a crumb. It can be the sun, a flower, a little chicken - this will already make your imagination. Imagine how he appeared in your life, how he feels good with you, talk with him, persuade him to stay with you, because he is fine with you now, and then it will be better. So you reassure yourself, and visualization will work in your favor during fertilization. Proven by experience. ”

Another important point to increase the chances of IVF success is trust in doctors and your life. It is important to love yourself, your body, your loved ones and your life, try to find positive features and emotions in everything. Trusting specialists who are ready to help you become a mother should also be absolute. Inner harmony and absolute peace - this is the key to a positive outcome.

It is very good if throughout the preparation for IVF there will always be close and dear people nearby - their support will definitely help you tune in to a positive outcome of the operation.

Believe in your strength, because if you were able to decide on this difficult step and intend to go to the end, everything will surely work out! Good luck!

In recent years, unfortunately, there has been an increase in the percentage of women who cannot conceive naturally. The reason for this is the deteriorating environmental situation, various inflammations of the female genital organs and many other factors. The union of a man and a woman is considered fruitless in the case when the partners have an active sex life without using contraceptives for 1-2 years, but the long-awaited pregnancy does not occur. This problem is diagnosed in approximately every fifth couple. In such situations, techniques for artificial insemination of the female egg come to the rescue.

Methods of artificial insemination

In modern medicine today, there are several methods of artificial insemination, which have been successfully used for many years. Each couple who decided to resort to one of the methods of artificial insemination should know how artificial insemination is done and what to expect during this procedure. In this article we will try to answer the most interesting questions regarding such a difficult topic. You can become a full-fledged family, conceive and give birth to a healthy baby in our time using methods such as:

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) - male and female cells are fused under laboratory conditions in a sterile tube, after which the developing embryo is transferred to the uterus of a sterile woman.
Intracytoplasmic injection of sperm into the egg (ICSI) - the technique of this procedure is almost identical to the previous one, however, in the case of ICSI, fertilization occurs using purified prepared male sperm (the patient’s spouse or the donor).
Artificial insemination (AI) - this type of artificial insemination is resorted to in cases where reproductive problems have been identified in a man (insufficient sperm activity, deviations in the functioning of sexual functions, the presence of any other diseases).
Donation of male genetic material.
Conception using an egg from a professional or individual donor.

Important! If you have been unsuccessfully trying to become parents for many years and have already used all the methods of conception available for this, you should not despair - each couple has the opportunity to resort to the services of a surrogate mother. However, if you cannot or do not want to use this method, you can always adopt a baby who is left without parents.

Understanding the sacrament of conception

Fertilization in itself represents the initial stage of the birth of a new life. Its beginning is considered the moment of the union of the female and male germ cells. From this moment, the gender of the child is already predetermined randomly. We know that the sperm and egg contain 23 chromosomes, one of which is responsible precisely for the sex of the unborn baby. When an egg meets a male sperm with an X chromosome - a couple gives birth to a girl, if with an Y chromosome - soon you can be congratulated on the birth of a boy.

As a rule, 12-14 days after the onset of menstruation, almost every representative of the weaker sex begins to ovulate - the egg leaves the follicle, which is ready for fertilization. Through the fallopian tubes, it gradually moves deeper, where for some time it will languish from the expectation of a meeting with a sperm. The egg remains capable of conception for approximately 24 hours from the moment of exit from the follicle. Thousands of sperm enter the woman’s vagina along with seminal fluid and begin their long and difficult journey.

Sperm need 3-4 hours to travel this short distance. On their way there are a lot of obstacles, and most of them die. Only the highest quality and most mobile of them achieve their cherished goal. In order for conception to occur, about 10 million male cells are required, but only one of them will be able to merge with the egg, which will be able to penetrate through the dense protective membrane. The moment of their merger is considered the moment of fertilization.

Two merged cells eventually turn into a zygote, and then into an embryo - a prototype of the future little man. Pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg reaches the uterus and attaches to the inner lining of the uterus - the endometrium. This occurs on approximately 7-10 days. After that, a special hormone responsible for pregnancy (hCG) begins to be produced in the woman’s body, which allows you to diagnose a pregnancy at home - you just need to get a special test in the pharmacy. Nine months later, a new person is born.

Artificial conception and its types

If a woman or her partner has been diagnosed with infertility, then in this case they resort to the artificial insemination procedure. But one should not be afraid of the word “artificial”, since babies conceived in this way are absolutely no different from children who were born naturally.

The most affordable and simple method of artificial insemination is considered to be artificial insemination. During this manipulation, male sperm is placed directly into the uterine cavity through a special catheter, where the spermatozoa independently find the egg and merge with it. Of course, sperm is pre-cleaned and prepared, only the highest quality and motile sperm are selected.

On the eve of manipulation, a married couple must undergo a complete examination of the body, pass the necessary tests. A woman is checked for fallopian tubes for patency, a man passes an analysis of spermogram, both partners pass tests for the presence of genital infections. Often, if necessary, ovulation in a woman is stimulated with the help of special hormonal injections.

This type of artificial insemination is used in cases where:

a woman does not ovulate;
fallopian tubes are impassable or absent altogether;
a woman experiences spasms and muscle contractions during intercourse;
the woman’s body produces anti-sperm bodies that deprive sperm of vitality;
a man is diagnosed with impotence or other disorders in the genital area;
age factor;
the woman has a disease of endometriosis or other diseases in the genital area;
analysis of spermogram has an unsatisfactory result.

In primary infertility (1st degree infertility), couples prefer this particular method of artificial insemination.

Important!The effectiveness of this type of artificial insemination is approximately 25%. However, the degree of effectiveness is also determined by a number of factors: the age of the partners, the degree and duration of infertility, the quality of the ejaculate, and some others.

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a more expensive, complicated and time-consuming procedure. They resort to it in those situations when there are many attempts to unsuccessfully conceive in the natural and artificial way, but the long-awaited pregnancy did not happen. The couple must pass a number of tests together, the woman is undergoing ultrasound diagnostics, the fallopian tubes are checked for patency, and the man is taking a spermogram. After a long preparatory stage, they go directly to the process of artificial conception.

Male biomaterial is pre-processed and purified, after which it is placed in a favorable nutrient medium in an incubator. In a sterile test tube, the most active and high-quality sperm cells are mixed with female cells. About a day later, it can be ascertained whether fertilization has occurred. And after 2-3 days, developing embryos are transferred to the uterus of the infertile patient for further development.

In the IVF process, usually several embryos are planted in the uterus at once in order to increase the efficiency of the procedure. If desired, the couple can freeze the remaining embryos, so that in the future not to go through all the previous stages of IVF. The chance of pregnancy when using this method is approximately 20-30%.

Itroplasma sperm injection (ICSI) is usually used in cases of male infertility. In most cases, the reason for this is the lack of sperm motility, or their complete absence in the ejaculate. The procedure is quite simple - the selected sperm is delivered directly into the egg via a very thin needle. This happens not in the woman’s body, but in a laboratory using a pre-harvested and processed egg. The course of manipulation is monitored using a microscope.

They are preparing for ICSI in much the same way as for IVF. The only difference is that with IVF, sperm are given the opportunity to independently reach the egg, and with ICSI - an experienced specialist takes on this task. The chance of pregnancy using this technique of artificial insemination is approximately 30%. To be more precise and refer to the statistics, the probability also depends on the woman's age:

the chance of getting pregnant with IVF in women under 35 is approximately 40%;
between the ages of 35 and 37 years - 30%;
at the age of 38-40 years - 20%;
women over 40 are given about 10%, and at 45 years old - about 1%.

Alternative methods of conception

It should be noted that in especially difficult cases, for childless couples there are also ways to become happy parents:

using the services of a surrogate mother (another woman is carrying and giving birth to your unborn child);
in vitro fertilization using donor biomaterials;
the use of frozen embryos;
adoption of a child left without real parents.

Curious facts

There is an opinion that children conceived by artificial means develop several times more actively than their peers, however, they are more susceptible to various diseases. However, these are just assumptions, and in fact, “test tube” babies are no different from babies conceived naturally. Perhaps such opinions are based on the fact that usually a child conceived with the help of IVF is already born to elderly parents, thereby becoming even more desirable long-awaited and beloved. In addition, the opportunity to carry out this procedure is mainly available to people whose financial component is quite reliable and stable, and such parents in the future are able to give their child a decent education and excellent living conditions.

Difficulties of choice

In the vast majority of cases, almost any form of both female and male infertility can be successfully cured, and spouses manage to eventually learn the joy of having a baby. However, it sometimes happens that the cause of infertility has been established, but it is not possible to eliminate it either with the help of medications or by surgery.

What is the method of artificial insemination to choose? There is no single answer to this question. Each of them has its own advantages and disadvantages. For example, the procedure of artificial insemination is financially accessible for almost everyone and is simple to implement. But you can not vouch for its very high efficiency. While in vitro fertilization has a rather high price, and its implementation can take more than one year, but the likelihood of obtaining the desired result is quite high.

Couples with similar difficulties come to the aid of artificial insemination techniques, which have been successfully conducted by Dr. Lazarev Alexander Pavlovich, candidate of medical sciences, author of more than 30 scientific papers in the field of various forms of infertility for more than a year. Remember that without exception, couples who managed to get pregnant and give birth to a long-awaited baby with the help of modern achievements in the field of reproduction experience great parental happiness. What can not be said about barren men and women who still doubt and still have not been able to make this decision. However, it should be borne in mind that after thirty years it is much more difficult for any woman to become a mother, even with the help of artificial insemination. Weigh the pros and cons, make the right decision and experience the joy of having a baby!

Doctors try to solve the problem of infertility in many artificial ways, including insemination of a woman’s uterus with a partner’s sperm. The method has its advantages and disadvantages. Despite the fact that the effectiveness of the procedure is low and is about 15-20%, the method is used more and more often.

Intrauterine insemination is an artificial transplantation of partner's sperm into a woman’s uterus. The method is carried out in order to ensure the reproductive functions of partners. The method has its advantages.

It is closest to the act of natural fertilization, it has an affordable price, the method is simple to carry out and does not require expensive preparation and use of a large number of medicines.

Among the shortcomings can be noted a slight pain during the procedure, invasiveness (introduction into the body of a woman), resulting in an increased risk of infection. Also, the method has a low percentage of successful fertilization.

Who is shown the procedure

Insemination can be given to any couple with infertility or single women who do not have a partner, but who want to have a baby. Artificial insemination can be indicated in both male and female forms of infertility.

For successful fertilization, the hormonal background of a woman should be normal, there should also be good patency of the genital tract of a woman, there should be no inflammatory diseases of the mucous membranes of the uterus and vagina, as this can interfere with the attachment of the fertilized egg (zygote) to the endometrium.

In addition, healthy sperm with a sufficient amount of active sperm must enter the uterine cavity. In the absence or insolvency of one of the items necessary for fertilization, conception may not occur.

Artificial insemination for the reason is carried out in case of violation of the structure, number or motility of spermatozoa, violation of ejaculatory functions or impotence.

The reasons for this condition may be the following factors:

genital injuries;
infectious diseases (mumps or, hepatitis, gonorrhea, syphilis, tuberculosis);
alcohol or smoking abuse;
emotional or physical strain.

Intrauterine insemination due to female infertility is carried out with the anatomical failure of the female genital organs, with diseases of the endocrine system, a lack or excess of hormones.

The causes of these conditions may be the following factors:

"Cervical factor on the part of women." This is a condition in which the cervical canal is covered with very thick and viscous mucus. Sperm that has got into it cannot get into the uterine cavity, and sperm cannot reach its destination - the egg.
Vaginismus is a condition in which a spasm (contraction) of the muscles of the vagina occurs, which interferes with the implementation of sexual intercourse and conception.
Idiopathic (for no apparent reason) infertility.
Chronic inflammatory diseases of the uterus (e.g., chronic endocervicitis).
Postponed operations on the uterus that make pregnancy difficult (amputation, cryotherapy).
An allergy to seminal fluid or a woman's body secreting antibodies to the partner's sperm.
Violations of ovulation.

To whom artificial insemination with sperm is contraindicated?

patients with severe mental illness who cannot bear a child;
women with obstruction or lack of fallopian tubes;
in the absence of genitals (uterus or ovaries);
in severe inflammatory diseases of the female genital organs (for example, endometriosis of 3-4 degrees);
neoplasms of the genitals of a woman;
malformations of the uterus, in which it is impossible to become pregnant (for example, a bicornuate uterus).

Preparation for the procedure

Proper intrauterine insemination should begin with the preparation of material - partner sperm. Either untreated seminal fluid (native sperm) or processed, purified sperm is used.

The second option is preferable, as some women may experience an allergic reaction in the form of anaphylactic shock immediately after insemination. The reaction occurs on the protein contained in the semen of a man.

Material processing involves the separation of sperm from seminal fluid, which reduces the risk of anaphylaxis. In addition, the selection of the most active sperm cells is carried out, which increases the likelihood of a successful conception.

Frozen material with donated sperm can also be used. In this case, the seminal fluid is in a frozen state for at least six months, after which it is re-checked for infection.

Artificial insemination with donor sperm is used in the presence of genetic diseases in men that can be transmitted to a child, as well as for women who do not have a sexual partner, but want to get pregnant.

With a lack of sex hormones or a violation of ovulatory functions, hormonal stimulation is performed before the procedure. This leads to the maturation of the egg in the ovary of a woman and her exit into the lumen of the fallopian tube (ovulation).

Sperm Insemination Procedure

For successful insemination and conception, the introduction of sperm must be carried out at the time of ovulation. To do this, after hormonal stimulation of the ovaries, an observation is performed using an ultrasound machine. The doctor monitors the growth of follicles.

Artificial insemination is carried out either a day before ovulation, or a few hours after it. It is interesting that several ovulations can occur in one menstrual cycle, then more than one sperm can be administered. So, a woman can transfer from one to three inseminations per cycle.

Another important point necessary for a successful conception is the sufficient preparedness of the uterine endometrium (mucous membrane). This factor is monitored by ultrasound and, with a small shell thickness, appropriate hormones are administered.

The direct introduction of sperm takes place on a gynecological chair, it resembles a regular examination by a gynecologist. The introduction of the material is carried out using a special catheter immediately into the uterine cavity.

As a rule, the procedure is painless. On the day of the procedure, a woman is advised to avoid physical and emotional stress. In addition, it is advisable to observe thorough hygiene of the genitals, since the uterus after the procedure is very sensitive and can easily become infected.

The success of conception depends on several factors:

age of the woman (it is recommended to carry out procedure up to 40 years);
causes of infertility (male infertility reduces the chances of success);
transferred infectious or inflammatory diseases of the female genital organs, since after them, cicatricial changes may form on the mucous membrane.

Possible consequences and complications after insemination:

Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. This condition occurs when the body is overly sensitive to hormonal drugs or if the doses of hormones are not properly selected. In this case, the ovaries begin to actively grow in size, the metabolism is disturbed. As a result, protein metabolism is disturbed, blood pressure is reduced, a large amount of fluid is released into the abdominal cavity. The functions of many organs (liver, kidneys) are impaired. Independently, this condition does not pass, a woman should be hospitalized in a hospital, and insemination should be postponed.
Multiple pregnancies (increased risk of self-abortion).
Allergy to semen being injected.
In case of violation of the rules of asepsis, the development of an acute infectious or inflammatory process in the female genitals is possible.
Ectopic (ectopic) pregnancy. In this case, carrying is not possible.

As with any method, artificial insemination has its drawbacks. However, the procedure is often used as an alternative to in vitro fertilization, which helps many couples have a baby.

Artificial insemination method

I like!

Olga Kaver, procedural and systemic therapist, arranger:I am often asked to prepare psychologically for IVF, to “clean my head” before this important and costly procedure, because if there have already been several attempts, and all of them were unsuccessful, then most likely, it’s not just the technology of egg grafting and collection. ...

It's really not just medical technology. And for me, an important milestone in the development of our attitude towards infertility was that in leading IVF clinics, doctors began their movement towards this understanding. IVF is more than a medical operation or manipulation. In the case of IVF, we are dealing with human life, the soul of a person, and according to statistics, even in the case of ICSI, when the sperm cell is placed inside the egg, it comes in 30-35% of cases on the first attempt. Why this happens is the topic of a separate article, and now I want to talk about the pitfalls, knowing that, you can easily get around them. And ignorance leads to different results, often sad.

What is the in vitro fertilization procedure? What is it?

IVF usually consists of three main phases:

The so-called IVF protocol, when using hormonal drugs is the stimulation of multiple ovulation in women. Goal: get as many healthy eggs as possible.
Then the eggs are extracted by puncture and fertilized in a special nutrient medium with the husband’s sperm.
Next, doctors monitor the development of the resulting embryos. And on days 3 and 5 after fertilization, embryo transfer procedures into the woman's uterus are possible.

Let's see what pitfalls we can meet at each of the stages of IVF.

Immediately, I’ll make a reservation that the information was obtained from my experience in working with clients at the “I want a child” trainings, in individual counseling, conducting systematic arrangements and my own research in this area. What I am telling may at first cause a shock reaction, but, in my experience of alignment work, system dynamics develop in this way. At the moment I am finishing a book on this topic.

So on first stage There is hormonal stimulation and, as a conclusion, the puncture of the eggs.

Here it is important to understand that all the eggs that will be received are important to save for fertilization with the husband's sperm. Sometimes there are so many eggs that doctors offer to transfer or sell them as donor eggs to women who cannot ovulate due to menopause, age or hereditary causes. What are the consequences of consent to the transfer of eggs?

The egg cell is 50% of your unborn child. By transmitting it for fertilization to another woman, you transfer half of your baby. And with your whole family system and its speakers, join the family system of this woman and her partner, whose sperm will fertilize your egg. Your family systems will henceforth and forever be invisibly linked by system dynamics flowing into each other.

What is a family system:

The family system is a collection of people thanks to whom we got our life.

Who enters your family system:

From one point of view, everything is very simple. Our family system is what we call our kind, our direct ancestors. This is so and not so. All our ancestors, our parents, our grandparents, great-grandparents and great-grandfathers are part of our family system. But even in our family system there are several other groups of important people for us who have influenced our destiny. Who is this?

So, the family system includes:

Ourselves.
Partner.
Our parents.
Our brothers and sisters.
Our grandparents.
Our great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers are influenced by ancestors before the 4th (great-great), and sometimes up to the 7th generation (great-great-great-great). In very rare cases, up to 10 generation.
Former partners of our ancestors.
The victims of our ancestors.
Aggressors who have seriously damaged our ancestors.
Unborn children are listed in paragraphs 1-9 of the participants in the family system.
All early dead children listed in paragraphs 1-9 are members of the family system.

Members of your family system can be sources of system speakers.

What is system dynamics:

System dynamics is an algorithm for the behavior of participants in the family system, inherited. System dynamics are rarely independently recognized by the performer of the family scenario.

The systemic dynamics of the family to which your eggs will be transferred will affect your unborn child, and what kind of family you most likely will not recognize is the transfer of eggs is an anonymous and confidential procedure.

What can this lead to?

Suppose, after the IVF procedure, the desired child is born with your husband. When he grows up a little, he will unknowingly search for the missing brother or sister around him. This dynamic is similar to the dynamics of a twin who disappeared in the early term.

Why is this happening? Children usually feel very subtle that someone in the family system is not enough. The younger a person is, the more sensitive he is to compliance with the laws of the family system. One of the basic laws of the family system is the law of the completeness of the family system.

It reads:

The law of completeness of the family system - each member of the family system has an equal right to belong to the family system.

Children feel well that in their family system there is someone else: a brother or sister who was born (or not even born, but lived to the stage of at least a blastocyst embryo), and begin to look for him next to him. Sometimes it is manifested that the child behaves restlessly, is capricious, and sometimes it leads to the appearance of "imaginary friends."

What to do?

Most likely, you will not be able to find this family - this is confidential information. But the situation makes it easier for the child to tell about his possible brother or sister. Sometimes, I advise you to write with the child a letter to the person he is looking for. The sooner such a conversation takes place, the easier it is. If the child continues to worry and as if looking for someone, then it is recommended to make an arrangement on behalf of the child. Until adulthood, parents have every right to do this.

On second stage fertilization of eggs with the husband’s sperm takes place.

All received embryos are considered children. In the full sense of the word.

Even if the embryo lives a few minutes. Even a few seconds.

All of the embryos you receive, going to IVF, undertake to take one way or another.

This is the most difficult moment for awareness!

Even if, as a result of fertilization, 25 developing embryos are obtained, you, going to the IVF procedure, realize that you will need to take them all during life.

Why?

In my experience, any embryo considers the family system as a full-fledged child. And then, if we received 25 embryos, then they will plant us at once 2, maximum 3. According to the legislation.

If the desired pregnancy has occurred with this attempt, you are expecting one child. Congratulations! This is a very good result from the first time. But ... at least one child you lost in the process. If 2 embryos were planted and one was implanted, then one embryo is lost. In this case, for the family system, it is considered equivalent to miscarriage.

How does a miscarriage affect the family system?

If the miscarriage was mourned by parents, mourning was held for it, the miscarriage does not affect the further process of childbearing in the family. The ritual of memory and mourning gives the child a place in the system. Usually, after the miscarriage has occurred, the parents are not given the body of the child, that is, there is no burial place where you can come and pay tribute to the memory. And this is a very important ritual. First of all important for you. And this is also a big separate topic.

But you are already pregnant. Will we mourn in this situation?

On the one hand, it is important for a pregnant woman to enjoy every day. It is also very important to be relaxed, to be in the trust of life. Where to find in this situation a place for mourning?

What to do?

It is important to mentally talk with the departed child. Say to him: “I see you. You are my child, and I am your mother. I am very sorry that you could not take your life. But in my heart there will always be a huge place for you, as for my child. Now I'm pregnant and waiting for your brother or sister. Please look at him or her with love. When he or she is born, I will tell them about you. When he or she is born and grows up a bit, and I have time and energy, I will definitely mourn you, like our child. ”

And later it is important to fulfill all these promises.

Another option is to delegate the ritual of mourning to the father of the child. The father of the child can find the icon of St. Huar - the only Orthodox saint who can pray for children lost and unbaptized during pregnancy - and light a candle in memory of the departed child, talk with a candle in the same way as the monologue mentioned above, only in its own name.

There are other options how to cope in this dual situation of pregnancy and the loss of a child at the same time. I wrote about them in my second book, which will be published in 2014 by the publishing house AST.

Sperm donation.

Sometimes, fertilization is done by donor sperm. In this case, a child who is 50% dad and 50% mom inherits both the dynamics of the mom and dad family system. But if we know everything about mom, then only dad's eye color, height, level of education are known about dad. Usually, even a photo cannot be viewed for privacy. It turns out that we do not know what family stories will be the bearer of our future child.

What to do?

If there are no other options besides sperm donation, then after the birth of a child it is important to work with the family system of his biological father using the method of system arrangements. The method allows to diagnose which systemic dynamics of the family sperm donor system may affect the child.

Therefore, I recommend mentally addressing this unfamiliar to you man with the words: “I see you. You are the biological father of our child. Thank you for the life of our baby. You are the most correct biological father for him. For us, you did everything right. In my heart there will always be a huge place for you, as for the biological father of our child. ”

This helps to develop a position of respect and acceptance of the child’s biological father, because your child will be half that person, both genetically and in terms of belonging to his family system. When we do not respect and condemn the child’s biological father, we do not respect and condemn half of our child. And it is in such situations that the systemic dynamics on the part of the biological father’s family system manifest themselves most clearly. Most often, these dynamics will be perceived by us as negative. This is how a person is already structured, that he is inclined to ascribe all the positive aspects to himself and his family, but he turns to a psychologist for help when a “negative” appears in the child’s behavior.

We now turn to the consideration of the next stage of the in vitro fertilization procedure.

On the third stage embryos are transferred to the mother’s uterus.

At this stage it is important to be aware of several points:

Doctors who carry out the transfer procedure will most likely be part of your family system. As well as the doctors participating in the sacrament of conception: whose hands joined your egg cell and the husband's sperm cell. And during the ICSI procedure, this is literally “manually” by one person under a microscope.
As a consequence of the previous paragraph, it is very important to choose a doctor not only because of his professional qualities, but also because of his psychological development.

And now I will reveal these two points in more detail.

A year ago, I watched a very interesting BBC film “BabyMakers”.

Here is the movie page, while it can be found only in English: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01ps8yc

The journalist spent 3 weeks in a British IVF clinic asking doctors and medical staff about their feelings during the procedure. And he asked everyone the same questions: “Do you feel like God in the process of creating a new life?” And “Do you have children and how do you feel about them?”

The answers were very interesting. For example, a young girl embryologist replied that they and his young man did not plan children at all, because there is a lot of trouble with them, and a woman of about fifty who deals with embryo transfer said that she was a convinced childfree and never wanted children.

In my humble opinion, a negative attitude towards the process of childbirth is a professional contraindication to work in the system of reproductive technologies. Thoughts influence the result, and the thoughts of such an important person as a doctor influence the result doubly, because a person is always unconsciously looking for confirmation of his picture of the world, and if “children are hard labor” for him, then such a person creates a field with such characteristics. And in this field your unborn child will appear.

The field created by specialists present at the time of conception has a significant impact on the outcome of the IVF procedure.

What to do?

Listen to your body, choosing a doctor who will guide your IVF procedure. Ask also to get acquainted in advance with the experts who will directly carry out all the steps of this process, up to the nurse. Ask if they have children, and if not, how they relate to the prospect of their appearance. When talking, listen your body. Indeed, in pregnancy, it is your body that will be directly involved, and half of your baby is in it - your egg (except for cases of a donor egg).

The body is not deceiving. Listen to yourself: Are you physically comfortable with this person? And if he touches you? If you get very close? Can you imagine hugging him or her?

Feel free to ask questions, this is not the situation when it is better to remain silent.

I would like to separately express my respect and gratitude to the doctors who deal with such an important and complex procedure as IVF. I respect your work very much and I am ready to cooperate. In this topic, speaking about the importance of your condition during the procedure, I do not pursue the intention to harm your dignity. Rather, I believe that doctors and psychologists in this matter are in the same situation: without personal study, in order not to harm the patient or client, it is very difficult to work both as a psychologist and as a doctor.

The topic of choosing a “your” doctor (as well as your “own” psychologist) is a very big one, as long as I put the ellipsis here ...

And, in conclusion, I want to consider the issue of conception with the help of a surrogate mother.

Surrogate mother.

From reading, you, probably, already understand that this woman will enter into your family system, because it is impossible to pay with money for life. You will be connected forever.

Therefore, it is important to choose a surrogate mother not only in terms of health parameters, but also to ask her about her family, parents, grandparents, great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers. Ask not only from the point of view of who, from what and when he died, but clarify such questions as:

- how did the family life in different ancestors of a surrogate mother;

- there were early childhood deaths due to illness or accidents;

- how many miscarriages, undeveloped or ectopic pregnancies were in the family system of a surrogate mother, both in her and her ancestors;

- whether there were abortions in the family system of the surrogate mother and whether she did them herself.

This is not a complete list of questions that is important to ask the future surrogate mother.

Another option is to come along with a candidate surrogate mother for a placement in order to diagnose which aspects of her personal and family history can affect the course and outcome of pregnancy. And how in the future this may affect your child.

You can make the arrangement without the participation of a surrogate mother, but in such cases, we can not always see all the options for the development of events - you need the consent of the woman who is preparing to endure your unborn child. And it is important for us to respect its right to secrecy.

Nowadays, women are increasingly forced to apply to special medical centers that offer artificial insemination services. You can talk a lot about the reasons that influenced the occurrence of such a situation, but it is not so important. It is important that a woman who really wants a charming crumb to appear in her family, suddenly faces the fact that this cannot be. And it turns out to be in a state of despair and hopelessness ...

Yes, it would be wonderful if you could just touch the statue of the Buddha and be sure to conceive at the very first sexual contact, as in the film “Love in the big city-2”. But this, unfortunately, is only a movie ...

However, in reality, there is also a saving option. This is artificial insemination. It does not matter that sometimes you have to wait for the result for years, making numerous attempts and spending money again and again. It is important that there is a chance. But even here it is not so simple: there are certain conditions for successful fertilization.
For example, ISM (intrauterine insemination)can only be performed if the woman is healthy and her fallopian tubes are passable. In her husband, the fertilizing ability of the sperm is reduced, but with certain manipulations, they become sufficient to fertilize the egg directly in the uterus. This procedure is also carried out with the incompatibility of the spouses, when the cervical mucus negatively affects spermatozoa. In other cases, resort to donor assistance (ISD). An attempt at fertilization is carried out on the most favorable day for this, sometimes even several times per cycle. The effectiveness of ISM and ISD is quite high - up to 40 and 80%, respectively.

Another type of artificial insemination - GIFTwhen the transfer of eggs with sperm already embedded in the fallopian tubes. This procedure will be successful if it is carried out in a timely manner and if the woman does not have obstruction of the pipes.

With the transfer, but already of the embryo (i.e., in this case, zygotes), another method of artificial insemination is connected to the tube: ZIFT. It is believed that this method is more effective. However, both of them are held once. The difference is also in the fact that with GIFT-e, the input is made from the abdominal cavity, and with GIFT-e - directly through the cervix. The effectiveness of both methods is estimated at 30% probability of conception. The downside is that we practically do not use these methods.

The most popular in our time is the method IVF In Vitro Fertilization. Fertilization is carried out in vitro, i.e. the egg is taken from the woman, then it is fertilized by the husband’s sperm, and then observations are made of the initial development of the fetus in the laboratory. Only after that the fetus is transferred to the uterus, it usually occurs 2-5 days after fertilization. The procedure of transferring the embryo into the uterine cavity is very simple and takes only a few minutes: the woman is placed on the gynecological chair, and through a special catheter of the future baby is inserted through the cervix. For the effectiveness of the method, a woman usually takes several eggs at once, stimulating their maturation with hormonal preparations (after all, only one matures during the menstrual cycle). Both are fertilized and usually also several embryos are transferred, usually two. This increases the chances, but also the possibility of having twins. The effectiveness of the method of IVF is estimated at 30%.

Modern medicine has gone a long way. Therefore, do not despair. It is worth taking advantage of new features. And the smile of your newborn baby (or babies) will be your reward. The main thing is to believe!