Is the ability to substantiate - is it to think or just rely on facts? How to prove your case.

Date: 24.09.2019

Admit it: when your arguments are rejected one by one, fists clench by themselves. This situation is especially familiar to men. It seems that he would have pushed an obstinate opponent in the jaw. Maybe it's true, this is the most efficient way how to prove your case?

Approach the situation constructively

In fact, conflicts and disputes are inevitable, and it is a whole art to resolve them, to find them. Think, what is more important for you - to demonstrate your ardent temperament and remarkable physical strength, or to convince the enemy to take your side? We are sure that the second. Then forget about your fists. Of course, we are not talking about situations when adventurous young people come up to you in a dark alleyway, or when hooligans offend a woman.

So, when conflicts arise, it is very important to approach the situation constructively. What does it mean? First of all, calm down, forget about emotions. If this is not possible, at least temper your fervor - passionate speeches are convincing when you speak from the podium in front of a large crowd of admirers of your talent. If the task is to prove your case in an argument, it is very important to remain impassive.

Formulate for yourself what conclusion you want to lead your opponent to. Remember: only clarity of thought creates clarity of speech and, we add, allows you to look convincing.

Conflict strategy and tactics

Before starting a conflict, think carefully how important it is for you to insist on your own, whether the subject of the dispute is worth your strength and nerves. Remember: it is very important to distinguish between the main and the secondary. Maybe it is wiser to “let the brakes go”, to pretend that everything suits you? There are times when the surest tactic is to avoid conflict. This is especially true if you do not agree with the members of your own family in some everyday matters.

For example, in the midst of a renovation, the issue of the color and pattern of the wallpaper is being discussed. On the one hand, looking at the walls that annoy you every day for many years is a torture worse than many. But on the other hand, a person gets used to everything. You will also get used to this wallpaper. Isn't your own peace of mind dearer to you? And then, relationships with loved ones are the most valuable thing we have. Should you sacrifice them for the little things? In such a situation, it is hardly worth solving the question: how to prove your case.

But you nevertheless entered into a verbal battle, however, in the midst of it, you realized that you didn’t have enough arguments, you also didn’t have so much strength, and therefore, you should have started all this in vain. Well, give in. But don't just give in! You're a strategist! Step back to the prepared positions. Emphasize that you are doing this deliberately. This position is especially advantageous if you are a man and your opponent is a representative of the fair sex. So you will kill two birds with one stone: you will demonstrate your gallantry and chivalry, and besides, when it comes to something really important to you, with full moral right you will be able to insist on your own.

Each person has met in life with a situation when it was necessary to defend his, the only correct point of view, his opinion. Most often, these are disagreements with loved ones or work moments when you have to prove something to employees. In either case, the aggravation of the conflict can cause unpleasant and unnecessary consequences, so it is important to learn how to use little tricks in communicating with people in front of whom it is important to preserve your reputation. How to prove your case?

The first task that should be borne in mind in any dispute is to be polite, to correctly relate to a different point of view on an exciting topic. Maintaining your dignity when yelled at is not an easy task. However, here you can use one of the techniques suggested by psychologists - to speak quieter and more calmly. This will help cool the ardor of the arguer, it will be easier for him to accept the constructive position that you offer him.

The second task facing a person who sincerely wants to learn how to defend their innocence is not to argue, investing their emotional resources in this, but to convince. Choose your arguments carefully, none of them should hurt the other person's self-esteem. It is also not worth saying directly that he is wrong. It is more effective, on the contrary, to use a wise move: at the beginning of the dispute, admit that we are all human and everyone has the right to make a mistake: “I admit that I can be wrong, let's figure it out.” In this case, the interlocutor will be focused on reducing emotional stress and constructive dialogue.

There is another trick that helps the interlocutor to quickly accept your thought or point of view. This will happen if you agree with him about something. Let him speak first, while you listen carefully to him and choose those of his words with which you can agree within the framework of the dispute. Then, when your turn comes, start your speech by supporting the other person in some of his saying. Then it will be easier to continue the conversation. Do not talk a lot, talking about the case, bringing clear reasoning and respect for the interlocutor is the key to success. If you are ready to go for another trick - let the person believe that the idea that you are positioning belongs to him.

In order to be able to say about you that you have a "gift of persuasion", you need to learn empathy. Look at the problem through the eyes of the interlocutor, think about why he insists on his position so much, show empathy, if appropriate. This will help you understand not only the motives of the other person, but also evaluate which of your arguments will be more effective in this case. If you have a good gift for empathy, you can easily guess what arguments the opponent will give next, try to give counterarguments in your speech before the other person said about it. But if you understand that the opponent chooses his position, guided by personal interests, do not state this directly - such a phrase can easily offend the interlocutor.

Calmness, self-confidence, a clear awareness of your position on a controversial issue will help you quickly prove your case. If during the discussion you realized that your opinion was wrong, you should not be stubborn and continue the argument. By agreeing with the interlocutor, you declare a draw. However, being a strategist, you can retreat to already prepared positions. So, a dispute is an intellectual activity, therefore, in order to be successful and easily prove your right position, you need to have restraint, certain knowledge on the topic of discussion and adhere to the basic principles of competent polemics.

V. Dahl has an interesting proverb: "A dispute is more valuable than money. A dispute is more valuable than oneself." We also know the expression: - truth is born in a dispute, that is, the collision of opposing views allows people to more fully and versatilely understand the subject of the dispute.

An unresolved disagreement between people in the form of mutual bickering, verbal or written) competition, in which each of the parties defends its opinion, proving its rightness, - this is the dispute [A.Ya. Antsupov, A.I. Shipilov].

The root of all controversy is the right to be heard, the right to validate our beliefs, and the right to be who we are. Sometimes by proving you are right, you can win the argument, but lose the respect of the other side. The main thing is to change the cause and source of the problem. More often than not, the arguing person is only concerned with the need to be right, and not the opportunity to do what is actually right. The arguing person strives to do everything in his own way, thereby proving his innocence, even at the expense of an ideal result. He is trying to prove who is in charge in this situation and he needs concession and respect and do not get into an argument.

Lieberman D. in his book "How to build relationships with any person" suggests three stages of the process of building mutual respect:

* 1. Ask for the opinion of the person.

* 2. Tell a mutual acquaintance about your respect for this person.

* 3. Give a small gift of appreciation (in the form of agreement with his opinion).

Mutual concessions ("you to me, I to you")

Psychologist Robert Cialdini formulated the law of psychology under the name "mutual persuasion." The law says: if you change your mind about something at my request, then in response to your request to change your mind about something else, I will most likely do the same.

Therefore, if you let the other person know that you have changed their mind with the request, they will be more inclined to change their mind when you ask for it. In addition to enforcing the law of mutual concessions, you will do something else important: by following your opponent's advice. you will demonstrate that you trust his opinion and appreciate his help.

If there is a dispute about something concrete and real, just find out! Go to a reliable source of information and find the answer. Do not argue over the gadfly of specific facts - just find the answer to the question at issue.

Use two-sided reasoning.

Research results indicate that in a dispute, it is imperative to listen to the arguments of the opposite side. It is necessary to solve the problem comprehensively, having analyzed all its aspects and all the pros and cons.

Ask the person to do you a favor.

Instead of creating a problem with different visions of ways to achieve a goal, ask the person to do it for you as a service. Tell him the following.

* 1. You have thought about the situation and understand the desires, actions and feelings of the opponent.

* 2. You understand that he does not agree with you and is convinced that he is right, but nevertheless ask him to agree with your arguments.

* 3. You will do everything as he suggests, if it becomes clear that your proposed method does not give the desired results. If this is an isolated case and your offer does not guarantee best results, agree to do as your opponent suggests.

Now the person is confident that they are doing you a favor, and not just giving in. This completely changes the psychological background of the situation, since he can remain unconvinced, consider that he is right, but do as you suggest.

Principles, values and the right to be heard are always at issue. Listen, increase respect, and use the principle of mutual concessions, and then ask your opponent to do what you want - and there will be no argument ..

Literature:

1. Antsupov A.V., Shipilov A.I. Dictionary of the Conflictologist), St. Petersburg: Peter, 2006.

2. Lieberman D. How to improve relations with any person. M .: Eksmo, 2011.

You are right, the other person is deluded, but persists. At some point, you realize that you cannot prove your case. If the person is an adult, you can pick up tools so that he admits that you are right; or find ways to just force them to do as you see fit (pick up control tools - rough or soft).

However, in a relationship with a child or parent - the same thing. Or run over and scare, forcing them to do your way, or convince. Let's see how and with what a person proves his innocence in different situations.

Manipulation is not a bad word

There is a wonderful story about an inexperienced accountant who was hired by the chief accountant because her husband is a tough lawyer. He helped her to prove she was right in the tax department: for example, not to pay tax on the funeral wreath and ribbon for the deceased employee. The full story can be found here.

Did she manipulate (with the help of her husband) the tax authorities? Yes, and how!

Manipulation is not just a “bad word”. It is through the influence of a) on oneself, b) on others that one can prove oneself in the right and be heard. See how to do it right.

Emotions and righteousness

Why in a conflict one side does not hear the other (or both - each other)? Because people are rarely guided by logic and reason when they come to the “point of conflict”. They "sit down" on emotions and try to prove their innocence to the opposite side on them.

Not a step back, not an inch of land to the enemy!

Therefore, the first thing to do when a person proves that he is right is remove emotions. Put them aside for later. In everyday terms, “cool down”.

It's best to do the same for the other side: not just let it cool down, but also temporarily agree with part of the beliefs. For example, "I know you only want the best for your child." Or: “I understand that it is important for you to prove your opinion. I am ready to listen to you ”.

When the emotion subsides, logic returns to the person.

The same applies to difficult situations, for example, when you need to prove your case in court. While you are trembling, afraid, angry, yelling, indignant, you can make mistakes.

Willingness to fail

If working with emotions was the first part of preparation, then the readiness to refuse, failure, etc. is the second part. Those who push ahead are usually very surprised to find that they have lost. Therefore, before proving you are right, try to see what the worst real (!) Consequences will be if you do not prove it. This will help:

a) reduce the degree of discussion;

b) understand where your boundaries end, and not drive the other person into a corner.

Scheme to prove yourself right

The procedure is actually simple:

1. Find out the other person's point of view. Many don't. And only after an ugly quarrel it turns out that the second just wanted to be apologized to him, and that was enough. Or they did some other, rather small thing for him.

2. Remember what you want from the conflict(respect, peace-friendship-chewing gum, the right decision at work / in the family). Keep in mind 2 installations: a minimum program (without which you will no longer communicate with a person), and a maximum program (what you want to achieve ideally). Keep one line, do not jump from “the restaurant has not been for a long time” to “you don’t give flowers” or “you don’t respect my mother at all”. These are different messages, conflicts and results.

3. Find a construct... For example, to prove to the boss that he is right, it is enough to say: “I am interested in the company getting more profit, and you - the bonus, respect and respect from the manager”. Or, to prove the case of an accident, it is not necessary to “run over and demand”. Sometimes it is enough to tell how things will be: “If you will now seek your truth, it’s great. But are you ready to spend 10 hours on the traffic police, 2 months on the proceedings, and the money will be withdrawn for another six months? I can offer you $ 100 and leave, you will save another $ 500 of time and effort. "

4. Prepare arguments in your favor. Only if you are confident and prepared, and your point of view is supported by facts, you strong position and there are chances. Otherwise, if you have “the reins flew under the tail”, and there are no arguments, is it worth it to prove your case at all?

5. When to stop proving your case: the rule of compromise... There are a lot of situations when it's time to think about whether you need to prove your case. Is the color of the wallpaper, the shade of the floor paint, the pattern of the laminate or curtains so important? You will get used to it in 2 weeks and stop noticing. Is it so significant whether carrots are cut into “cubes” or “strips” - after all, it will be eaten and removed from the body in a maximum of 24 hours? Try to agree more often on small things - and almost never agree on big things.

6. Tactics and strategy. Tactics: do not offend, do not exacerbate, do not roll up new claims (do not expand the topic). Strategy: it is beneficial to agree now, having received "respect", or it is beneficial to prove right now (at work, in the family) so that the situation does not repeat itself (solving a systemic problem).

7. Consolidate success. An agreement, whatever it may be (unprofitable or most beneficial for you), is a success. Therefore, it should be said specifically and clearly (“you take the child to the kindergarten, and I save up for it and send him to the camp in the summer, plus I visit him there”). If the situation is prone to repetition (there is a great chance of violation of the agreement), then after proving the rightness, “sanctions” are also fixed, that is, punishment for violation. It must be reasonable and feasible for execution.

Stubborn lambs: the desire to prove oneself right everywhere and always

Besides adequate people, there are also stubborn lambs. They tend to want to prove their innocence "from scratch" and "so that it was." That is, they are ready to spend time and effort to “show Kuzkin’s mother”. What kind of people they can be:

emotionally unstable (“hot-tempered”, “choleric”);
with a powerful paranoid part (“enemies are all around”);
with a narcissistic part (“if I'm wrong, then I'm r ... o”);
for the sake of showing off (debaters for the sake of emotions, people for whom it is important to be in sight, to show themselves as a victim, or vice versa, strong).

To fight with such or not is up to you. Just remember that for some people, including your partner, parent, boyfriend or girlfriend, colleague, boss, it is impossible to prove your case. Try, and when you get bored, try to leave the person with his beliefs. It is not at all necessary to spend your life to show another the truth, to open his eyes, etc.

Your life and interests are more important than the truth. For example: how to prove to your parents that you are right? Yes, it's just good to live, work, study, have children, build a house. And how exactly you do it is only your business!

Approach the situation constructively

In fact, conflicts and disputes are inevitable, and to resolve them, to find options for resolving conflicts is a whole art. Think, what is more important for you - to demonstrate your ardent temperament and remarkable physical strength, or to convince the enemy to take your side? We are sure that the second. Then forget about your fists. Of course, we are not talking about situations when adventurous young people come up to you in a dark alley, or when hooligans offend a woman.

Formulate for yourself what conclusion you want to lead your opponent to. Remember: only clarity of thought creates clarity of speech and, we add, allows you to look convincing.

Conflict strategy and tactics

For example, in the midst of a renovation, the issue of the color and pattern of the wallpaper is being discussed. On the one hand, looking at the walls that annoy you every day for many years is torture worse than many. But on the other hand, a person gets used to everything. You will also get used to this wallpaper. Isn't your own peace of mind dearer to you? And then, relationships with loved ones are the most valuable thing we have. Should you sacrifice them for the little things? In such a situation, it is hardly worth solving the question: how to prove your case.

Bargaining Is Appropriate!

If the concession is unacceptable, and you are 300% sure that the notorious wallpaper, which is so dear to the heart of your family, will poison your life, offer your opponents a compromise - they allow you to choose the wallpaper, but you will not argue about something else ( bargaining, as they say, is appropriate, negotiate what mutual concessions you will make). Or you are ready to put up with the color of the wallpaper, but you will choose the pattern on it yourself - in a word, there are many options for a compromise.

And remember, giving in or choosing a compromise does not mean bending over. You are just rationally approaching the solution of the problem.

But there are situations when conformism is unacceptable. For example, we are talking about some fundamental production problems and you see that a colleague is wrong, his position can harm the common cause. Or your child is going to a night disco, and you are sure that this cultural trip will not end well for him. Or the wife decided to spend all the family savings on a new fur coat, and you feel that not today or tomorrow you will be fired, and there will be no time for fur coats. In short, the time has come to demonstrate steadfastness and steadfastness. Well, try to win the argument by all the rules.

Conflict Management - Science and Art

To learn how to manage conflicts, you can take training in conflict management or study the relevant literature. To begin with, learn a few very simple rules- they will certainly help you.

First, assume that the dispute is not a war, and your opponent is not a representative of the enemy army. Treat him neutrally. Give yourself a directive: I don't like the position of my colleague, not him. Suppose, if you are not satisfied with the way a colleague put together a presentation of your joint project, do not allow yourself derogatory remarks about his intelligence and professionalism. So you will not solve anything, and seriously ruin the relationship.

Second, do not expand on the subject of the dispute. If you are sure that the child should not go to a night disco, try to convince him that this particular event should be ignored. There is no need to "at the same time" reproach him, for example, that he is lazy and does not study well. Save it for later.

One more rule. Show maximum tact - so you disarm the enemy, take the heat off the fight. Speak softly, do not raise your voice, do not get personal. Let at first it seems to you that they do not hear you - after a few phrases, they will definitely listen to your reasonable, reasoned, quiet speech: both the opponent and the leadership.

Checkmate

And finally, one last thing: an argument is like a chess game. Try to calculate the next attack of the interlocutor and warn him by voicing a counterargument. Thus, the initiative will be in your hands - the position of the attacker is always more advantageous than the position of the defender. At the same time, it requires more knowledge and speed of reaction - all this can be learned, you just have to want.

So, if you do not know how to prove your case, but you are sure that it is necessary, act calmly and prudently, do not give free rein to emotions, and even more so do not use your fists - this is a non-constructive approach that will lead you to a dead end. The reputation of a squabbler and brawler can be acquired in no time, but getting rid of it is almost impossible - this is practically a diagnosis.