Mozhaisk deanery. What to do if the husband is a drug addict, and how to help him return to a normal life My husband is a drug addict wife's advice

The breakup of a marriage with drug addiction is probable, but not necessary. It is necessary to leave the drug addict husband, but when parting, let them know that you will return when the addict is cured. Why should children watch how a drug addict husband uses drugs and gradually degrades? The mother's duty is to save the younger generation from a bad example, constant scandals, and physical danger.

It is unsafe for a woman to be near a drug addict, it is real to turn into a victim of drugs. Women's drug addiction is more difficult to treat (there is an opinion in society that female drug addicts are incurable). The danger for the family is the increased aggressiveness of the drug addict. At the moment of intoxication, breaking, he is uncontrollable, physically dangerous. Many domestic crimes happen daily on the basis of drug addiction. If a woman does not nurse her husband who is a drug addict, clearly puts forward demands for the need for treatment, reinforces firmness of intentions with actions, a man is more likely to take it upon himself to wake up from intoxication and save his family.

How to deal with a spouse's addiction

If the husband is a drug addict, the wife is required to give up what is considered help. Stop scolding, persuading, shaming, crying, convincing, scaring. Learn to separate your beloved spouse from the disease. Stop taking responsibility for the fate of an adult man, do not take care of a drug addict - if he feels lonely, unnecessary, he will be saved.

If the wife sends her husband for compulsory treatment, it is useless. He is treated for his wife, without motivation. The money is thrown away, a relapse soon occurs, the husband, who has been discharged from the clinic, again slips into drug addiction. A woman should stop blaming herself for her illness. There is a part of women's guilt, but the lion's share of responsibility lies with the man.

• Arguing with a drug addict is a waste of time and nerves.
• Stop funding the man.
• Chase creditors who demand the repayment of men's debts.
• Take care of children, work, think less about your husband.
• Physically move away from your husband, wait for him to return healthy.

Remember, it is dangerous to be near an addict. When the man is cured, you can live together if you wish.

Psychological help

Relatives of addicts need psychological support. Really get help from competent psychologists. Opening trouble to someone who has experienced the same type of problem is a huge support. Help can be found in specialized support groups at various drug treatment centers. Usually classes with wives and other relatives of drug addicts take place in a group. To learn how others overcame a terrible misfortune is a great relief, restoring faith, giving the will to fight.

Practicing psychologists will teach the rules of behavior with the people's commissar. The recommendations will be useful in future family life, to alleviate the psychological stress of a woman. The psyche of a drug addict is unstable, the prevention of scandals, misunderstandings in the family will help to form motivation for further recovery.

Who will show the way out

When a husband becomes a drug addict, it is a blow to a loving wife. At such a moment, the woman is upset, thinking about what to do. If in doubt about how to deal with a drug addict husband, get advice from a drug clinic specialist. There are many sites on the Internet where you can contact specialists. They will support you and give you professional advice.

We recommend contacting narcological clinics, centers that have proven themselves and have an excellent reputation. One of these centers is Unity, located in Rostov-on-Don. Residents of other regions can apply for a free online consultation to the center.

Drugs are a gigantic problem that can destroy human life in just a few years. Loss of money from the family budget, aggression, apathy, bouts of euphoria and joy, quarrels and assault - these are perhaps the key theses that can describe the life of a woman with a drug addict husband. Psychology, active listening and other techniques from the brochure are relevant only if the patient is ready to change. As for the most neglected options, in this case, one should consider the option, if not of escape, then of compulsory treatment, which is necessary for the return of a problem person to society.

Awareness of the problem and willingness to act

So, the spouse suspects her beloved that he uses. Perhaps, hysteria, as well as accusations with breaking dishes and an emotional outburst, will hardly be productive at this stage. It is important to obtain indisputable evidence, then to realize the problem and prepare to solve it. It is worth remembering that not every dope is injected into the body through a syringe, leaving noticeable injection marks. A number of drugs are consumed through the nasopharynx, therefore, it is much more difficult to determine such dependence by external signs.

Surveillance and alarm

It is worth observing the husband's behavior, establishing his current physical and moral condition. Most addicts have stages of euphoria and apathy, periods during which they have only two options for behavior - causeless joy and sadness. You can never do two things: impute guilt without evidence, as well as blame and blame, trumpet at every corner about the problem of a loved one. This will force the addict husband to deny everything, to close in on himself, alone with the problem.

Determination of external signs

On this issue, it is always useful to consult with a specialist of a certain profile. However, if a drug addict husband (advice for wives of addicts is given in this article) still uses dope, then it is possible to identify this. Of course, in such a delicate matter, one cannot rely solely on one's presentiment and it is necessary to double-check everything several times. However, it is worth paying attention to such points:

• Loss of common savings, valuables. It is relevant only in the later stages of addiction, when the drug addict husband can no longer stop, and it is not possible to get money promptly and honestly.
• Changes in behavior. The emotional extremes of an addict are stunningly far apart. He is practically unable to behave with restraint under the influence of dope, but at the same time he is apathetic in the absence of it. For a healthy psyche, such frequent mood swings, as is noticeable in a drug addict husband, are uncharacteristic.
• A surge of activity, new acquaintances, feverish ideas. It is typical at the primary stage of dependence, when each next dose gives the body a burst of activity for a rather long period. Oddly enough, a drug addict under the influence of certain drugs at first is a successful businessman, an avid player, and a generator of ideas.
• Appearance. The consequences of drug addiction are also changes in the appearance of the addict. If the husband has become a drug addict, most likely he will lose weight, become "rumpled", his gaze wanders, a feverish blush appears, redness of the whites of the eyes.

Again, it is extremely important to prepare in advance and acquire an evidence base before taking any action at all.

What not to do

In each such situation, psychologists give different recommendations. At a certain point, you need to show restraint, while with an avid drug addict you need to speak firmly and confidently. However, there are still several recommendations that are extremely important and proven by the experience of psychoanalysts:

• No sane fault. There is no use in blaming the addict. It is important to work on solving the problem, and not just blame. However, this does not mean at all that you need to indulge the whims of the addict. It is quite possible that the patient will refuse to change, then the most reasonable thing would be to look for an answer to the question of how to divorce a drug addict husband.
• Help is there. It is completely possible to recover from addiction, but it depends directly on the patient.
• Joint problem solving. It is not necessary to solve all the problems for the addict. Having decided to return to society, he is ready for responsibility, which should be shifted to him gradually, showing confidence.
• No reproaches and emotional outbursts. The wife in this case plays the role of an anchor. He is a rock, unshakable and strong, and therefore cannot show weakness.

At the same time, one should also not forget about the gentle, but confident pushing of the addict to treatment. Sometimes it will have to be done by force.

Can an addict quit on his own?

How many overweight people agree to go on a diet? And what percentage of them withstand all the hardships? Finding the exact answer to the question of whether it is possible to quit on your own is difficult. It all depends on motivation, external factors, willpower. Unfortunately, this is almost always impossible. Relatives should hold the ward in a vice, soft, gentle, but very strong. If the drug addict is allowed to go on his own, moreover, to do it during detoxification (withdrawal), then he will most likely return to his past hobby.

Isolation and the problems it creates

Most often, the answer to the question of what to do if the husband is a drug addict is isolation. Locking him in a room, depriving him of contacts with the outside world, getting rid of friends and dealers, keeping him locked up until he comes to his senses - this is how the issue is resolved if we are talking about a neglected person. But what if a successful, young and intelligent man, father and husband became a drug addict? Maybe he tried out of curiosity and got hooked? Isolation will kill him, make him apathetic, tear him out of society and deprive him of his last chance for a cure. If a drug addict husband uses dope, but there is a chance to save him, you should behave carefully.

How to do it right?

The removal of the patient must be subtle, controlled, alive and permanent. The wife took her husband by the elbow, and the couple quickly moved away from the suspicious type who wanted to shake hands with her beloved. The husband still works, but from home, and his wife curls around, supporting and watching so that money does not disappear from the locked box. It is quite possible that on the road to recovery you will have to give up everything superfluous: work, obligations to friends, career and hobbies. Of the options for how to behave with a drug addict husband during the treatment stage, this is the best way, namely, to be there.

That which never changes

Unfortunately, this also happens. When a drug addict husband first stole money from the family or raised his hand, he is unlikely to become a full member of society in the future. Often the wives of such dependents are ashamed to leave the family, taking their children and money with them. From a human and moral point of view, this is understandable and encouraging, but from a logical point of view, no. The first to suffer from an addict will be children. Sooner or later, the baby will either fall under the hot hand of his father, or will ask a question about the strange powder or "medicine" of his father. The younger generation should not grow up seeing an addict. If he manages to defeat his addiction and return to life, then he will become an example of willpower, if not, a fallen and outcast. But you need to know when there is something to fight for, and not try to convince your "I" of this.

readiness and courage

Such principles are based, for example, on the recommendations of Joseph Kallermannon, whose works are very informative in terms of the influence of the addict on his family. If the family is at a loss or, moreover, decides to intervene on its own, then this battle is already lost. Three things are important in the treatment of an addict above all else: toughness, understanding, willingness. The latter is expressed in the moral preparation for the forced isolation of the drug addict for an indefinite period. In any case, at the first suspicion, the spouse is required to prepare not only herself, but the whole family for long-term treatment.

Stages of the course of treatment

It is incredibly difficult to squeeze absolutely all the stages into one classification. However, it is still possible to isolate a few, for example:

• Consultation. It involves a conscious trip to the doctor with a specific problem. This means that the patient is ready for intervention, if he is not aware of the problem, he is ready for decisive action.
• Intervention. There is both medical and psychological treatment. Often, serious emotional problems lie behind addiction, such as the loss of a loved one in the past. It is important to address the root cause before the course is completed.
• Detoxification. The most difficult, but at the same time critically important period. Among those who are wondering how to part with a drug addict husband, unfortunately, the majority caught the addict for repeated use of dope. Quitting is hard, but staying on a new dose is much more difficult.
• Rehabilitation. Medically supervised inpatient treatment and limited freedom of movement.
• Social adaptation. Gradual transition to responsibility, obligations, contact with family and trusted friends, return to work.
• Support. Even if a person quit drugs on his own, you can never be 100% sure that he will not return to them again. The wrong question is: "How to get rid of a drug addict husband?" Much more correct is such a statement: "What needs to be done in order for a person to become the same?" Although sometimes you need to delete someone who used to be loved from your life if drugs have become everything for him.

It should be noted that at each stage there is control by physicians.

When to leave

A difficult decision, which to make means dooming yourself to grief and an emotional breakdown, at least for the first time. Sometimes a person is worth fighting for when he can still return. But then the door opens, and in front of his wife stands a stooped, haggard ex-husband with fallen teeth, without a penny, but with a promise to change. Should he be trusted? Has he been treated before? Does he ask for a loan? Do children need such a father? Difficult questions, but they must be answered. As in the case of treatment, the spouse needs to be not just strong, but strong and restrained. Perhaps you need to give a second chance, but only this time to take the initiative into your own hands. Or slam the door and never again remember the person who deliberately refused to be different.

Our family was happy: I am a housewife, my husband is a fairly successful entrepreneur, and I have two wonderful children. I could not even think about such a disaster, because love and mutual understanding reigned in the house.

When my husband brought a bag of marijuana into the house, I did not attach any importance to this. She herself dabbled in her youth, while still a student - it was easier to relax after a hard day. Actually, according to her husband, he bought weed for the same purposes, they say, he gets very tired at work and wants to be distracted. He went to his office (fortunately, the apartment allowed him to allocate a separate room), spent several hours there, came out cheerful with an excellent appetite - nothing supernatural. But it was on that day, as I understand it, that his journey into the abyss began ... or rather, our journey.

He smoked more and more. Later he brought something new called "Spice" and smoked it already, telling me that this is a completely safe smoking mixture of medicinal herbs alone. I was busy then - the eldest girl is five years old, my three-year-old son, there are a lot of things to do around the house, so there was not even time to talk with my beloved. And he closed himself more and more. Now smoking did not make him cheerful and carefree. He became a real drug addict, as they used to scare us at school: glazed look, absolute apathy, aggressiveness when trying to talk about drugs .

It was then that I began to blame myself for all our troubles: all the money went to drugs, the business gradually fell into decay, the children were afraid of their father. I thought I was to blame for everything, I allowed this, didn’t see it, didn’t convince me in time. I don’t know how I found the strength to give up these thoughts and didn’t sink into depression. Now, looking at the events that I experienced, I want to say to all women who are faced with the same situation: do not blame yourself. There is not a drop of your fault in what happened, but you are able to radically change the situation and save your loved one. I could do it, you can too .

When I realized that my husband's addiction had gone too far, I went on the offensive. First of all, she took the children to their mother - she understood that it would be better and safer for them. Left alone with my husband, I was able to decide on a frank conversation. I didn’t understand what I was going to talk about, but I knew: I love him and want to help. That's what I was talking about: our family, my love for him, and how the drug can destroy our happiness. I don't know if he was convinced or if he was just pretending, but he agreed to go to a specialist.

Working with a psychologist, being away from family and children for a long time has been beneficial not only in the fight against addiction, but also in our relationship in general. Now we are even more attentive to each other and vowed that our children would never know what addiction is. Sports, outdoor activities, many hobbies - all this gives us a powerful charge of positive energy.

• In no case do not follow your husband's lead: try to isolate him from the family budget, if possible.
• Do not hide the problem: your relatives and friends should know. Not just because it's not good to lie, but also because, unaware of the situation, they will sponsor the purchase of drugs for your husband.
• Love and understanding should not make a rag out of you: clearly formulate your claims, insist on undergoing treatment, while emphasizing your willingness to help and support.
• Do not self-medicate - with a running addiction, only a specialist can help.
• Isolate children from their father as soon as possible: drug addicts can be aggressive and simply out of control. Do not risk the well-being of the whole family.

I hope my story will give you the strength to fight a terrible force that destroys families and ruins lives.

1. My husband is a drug addict. We have two children, the eldest has a disability, I want to separate, but how?

1.1. Good afternoon.
It's very simple! You must, at the place of your registration or the residence of your husband, file a claim for divorce and recovery of alimony with the Magistrate's Court. State. the fee is 600 rubles. Attach the original marriage certificate and a copy of the children's birth certificates to the claim. In the same lawsuit, you must ask to establish alimony for the child, and in some cases, you can collect alimony for yourself.
Spousal maintenance is always set in a fixed amount of money, usually the subsistence level in the region. With regard to alimony for a child, then, as a general rule, alimony for one child is set at a rate of 1/4 of all the father's income, for two - 1/3. However, if the child's father does not work or receives part of the salary "in an envelope", then this is the basis for establishing alimony in a fixed amount of money in the amount of the subsistence minimum for a child in the region.
The main thing is to correctly draw up and substantiate such a statement of claim, which will be difficult for you to do on your own, without the help of a lawyer. Contact a lawyer on our website in person, he will help you draw up such a statement of claim and give all the necessary explanations.

One of the most bitter consequences of the influence of drugs is the codependence of loved ones. If your husband is a drug addict, most likely your first reaction was to try to dissuade him, to appeal to reason, to give arguments why drug addiction is deadly. But he didn't listen to you. And over time, you began to adapt to him: he screams and is rude, you endure. He raises his hand to you, you turn a blind eye to it. He takes things from the house, you try not to notice it. You try to treat him as an adequate person, whom you are used to seeing around. But such an attitude only provokes conflicts and resentment. You start patronizing him, solving problems for him, distributing his debts. And the situation is getting worse.

You empathize with him, trying to understand the reasons why he became like this. And now not only he, but you, along with him, are increasingly immersed in addiction. Unfortunately, codependency only delays the most important decision - going to rehab. To break the cycle of codependency, you need to separate your personality from the behavior of your drug addict husband, stop blaming yourself for what happened - this only makes you powerless. Fully accept the terrible truth about him and call the doctors.

How to deal with an addict

Control your emotions. Don't try to sort things out while your husband is on drugs or looking for a new dose. You can provoke an addict to aggression. Remember: he is sick and cannot respond adequately to your words and actions. In the most critical situation - leave the house for a while until he sobers up.

Take care of yourself first. Otherwise, you will not have the strength to help the drug addict in the family. Do not neglect yourself and your personal affairs. Appreciate your personal time, do not plunge headlong into the problems of a loved one, do not solve all the worries for him. Just give him your moral support, not forgetting your own needs.

Don't take all the responsibility. Remember that you will not be able to influence the personality of the addict until he himself wants to change.

Don't be manipulated. At the sight of withdrawal, one should not give money or look for drugs: the pain from the withdrawal syndrome is phantom and disappears after a while. Don't let an addict throw off their responsibilities on you. It is better to let him be involved in family affairs, help around the house.

Do not store alcohol and other surfactants at home. Show by example how important it is to stay sober.

Be patient. Don't expect the addict to recover quickly. Rehabilitation takes from 3 months to a year. At the same time, the state can be considered “stable” only after three years of complete abstinence.

Give the addict a choice. Let him either go to rehab with your help, or use it anywhere but at home. Facing reality without family support will help you understand the consequences of drug use.

Draw up a contract. Choose a moment when the husband will be sober. You can check this by the pupils - they will narrow in bright light and expand in the dark. Calmly explain to him how hard it is for you to live because of his illness, suggest contacting specialists. The drug addict will refuse and begin to convince you that he is healthy. Then offer a contract: you trust him, but if you suspect he has taken a drug, you can always check your guess. And if it is confirmed, the spouse will agree to rehabilitation.

Why did my husband become a drug addict?

The main reasons for the development of drug addiction:

Childhood trauma. The beatings and despotism of parents leave a deep trauma on the psyche of the child. With age, painful memories do not go away, other adversities join them, and psychological problems grow like a snowball.

Implementation flaw. Failures in a career, lack of visible prospects, difficulties in achieving desired goals, disrespect from loved ones - all this hits the male ego, breaks character and makes one seek solace in psychotropic drugs.

Financial difficulties. In the eyes of society, a man is a breadwinner. And material difficulties are perceived by him as an indicator of his own insolvency. Added to this is stress and fatigue from hard work or searching for it.

Domestic quarrels. Constant scandals and showdowns, reproaches and jokes - such an unhealthy atmosphere in the family causes a desire to escape and forget.

How to convince a husband to be treated?

Drug addicts almost never turn to doctors on their own - usually they are convinced by relatives. So how to help your spouse take the first step and persuade him to be treated?

It will help you - a conversation of a drug addict with loved ones, during which he learns about the consequences of drug addiction and decides to fight it.

Before the conversation, each participant (relative or friend) prepares a list of 4 points:

1. Dates when a person's addiction harmed them.
2. The essence of this damage.
3. Why won't he take it anymore.
4. How can you get out of the situation - contact a specialist.

However, such a conversation can provoke a family scandal, and the patient will close in on himself even more, and his relatives will become enemies for him. Therefore, it is better to invite experienced psychologists to conduct the Intervention.

How to choose the right drug treatment center?

In any field there are both professionals and scammers. And in the case of drug treatment, the work of the latter is especially dangerous. Unscrupulous "doctors" can harm the patient's physical and psychological health, aggravate his illness.

Therefore, when choosing a narcological center, I advise you to pay attention to such nuances:

legitimacy and reputation. Find out how long the institution has existed, whether there are reviews about it from graduates, whether it is a legal entity and whether it complies with state standards.

Staff. Are there narcologists, addictologists, clinical psychologists, psychotherapists, chemical addiction specialists among the clinic staff? If yes, is it possible to see their diplomas?

Methods of treatment. Ask how your spouse will be treated. If the methods are kept secret because of their "innovativeness" or "copyright" - you have turned to scammers.

conditions for rehabilitation. Centers with a good reputation offer rehabilitation in comfortable out-of-town hospitals with all amenities and good food.

Adequate prices. Full-fledged drug addiction treatment is a long and costly process that involves many resources: renting a comfortable room, feeding patients, paying qualified doctors and attendants. In addition, the centers are spent on attracting new clients, providing a hotline and free consultation. And if you are offered to cure drug addiction "cheaply" - there is a good reason to doubt the integrity of such people and the quality of their services.

Family support. Experienced specialists know that not only the addict is sick, but also his environment. If the patient's relatives are not cured of psychological trauma, he will return to a hostile family atmosphere, and then there is a risk of relapse. Therefore, professional centers conduct additional classes with relatives.

I know how hard it is for you. When a husband - protection and support - suffers from such a terrible illness, a lot of problems fall on the fragile female shoulders. But it is on your actions that his life and future now depend, because each new dose brings him closer to death. Therefore, I wish you the courage and fortitude to resist the disease together with your loved one. And if you need support, professional advice or full-fledged help from specialists, call us at any time.