Why are we always dissatisfied with everything. Corrects mistakes or humiliates

Everyone wants to be happy, but, alas, not everyone knows how. So it turns out that, according to statistics, unhappy people are like fleas on a mongrel. It seems that you are trying to do something, to turn around somehow, but still you do not feel satisfaction, because life is more cunning, it not only always takes its own, but, unfortunately, steals ours. This dogma that you need to accept, and it doesn’t make you unhappy at all, it’s completely different things that are to blame for this.

1. Your mind rules the show

Everything that you think and imagine is not reality, only a product of yours. Simply put, it is reality for yourself, but not for others.
Your thoughts, behaviors, responses are the product of all the information imprinted and programmed into your mind since conception.
Our brain is essentially an amazing machine for collecting and processing data. Life is a deeply subjective thing, and therefore it seems to some a hopeless gray hell, and to others an interesting thing. Everything may look good on paper, but what's the use if in fact you are a shy, insecure, and bullied child full of complexes.

Many "programs" by which we live and create our way of life become unsuitable for a normal existence and inevitably become obsolete. And until the mind is taken under control, until it works the way you need, there is no need to talk about any happiness.
Our mind is equipped with a reticular activating system that filters out information that is not supported by our current beliefs, passing only ossified, not always true but consistent with beliefs. A kind of internal censorship, as in a totalitarian state. Down with dissent, only ideas that correspond to the spirit of the regime!

If you consider yourself weak and shy, then the brain will kindly provide you with confirmation of your own worthlessness.
There are many ways in which we can control and manage our internal system, which will support, not limit us. In fact, the recipe is simple: unbridled optimism, irrepressible faith in the good and significant enrichment of one's knowledge - all this will lead to dramatic changes.

2. You constantly compare yourself to someone

Are you constantly comparing yourself to others? Are you convinced that you will never become as good as the conditional Erokhin who has achieved everything, who is always held up as an example? I don't want to offend anyone, but if you're not a muscular, tanned, six-foot alpha male with beautiful nails and a good position in a good office, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy.
Competing with the rest of the world is an extremely tedious and pointless exercise that only geniuses are capable of. Moreover, it is one of the most destructive things you can think of. You won’t win everyone, and you won’t become more ideal than 7 billion people.

Be grateful to fate and your parents for the fact that right now you can find joy in small things. If not, then you need to urgently acquire such a wonderful skill. Surround yourself with people who will support you, friends, not competitors, personalities who will be better and more positive than yourself, however, you will not have to compete with them for a place in the sun.

If the successes of your friends serve as a kind of challenge for you, and you are trying to compete with the planet in everything, it means that you take yourself too, too seriously. Ask yourself what are you really afraid of losing, why do you need these things that you are so eager for? Can't answer? Empty excuses come into your head about the fact that you will become happier and more successful? No, you won't. Even if the next morning you turn into, you will not become happier. You're not as bad as you think. Well, if you don’t believe us, believe the psychologists, they have definitely revealed that people who look 9 out of 10 on the impeccability scale and dream of achieving the highest mark, in the pursuit of perfection, stop noticing positive changes and rejoicing in anything. And even if they achieve, they feel emptiness - the goal is no more.

3. You're chasing a dream that will only give you brief satisfaction.

Advertising and the modern consumer society insistently tell us that if we get what we want, we can finally achieve happiness and satisfaction. So, this statement is the real nonsense. The feeling of novelty, like the feeling of contentment, is the most ephemeral in the universe.

Research has shown that major personal events (both positive and negative, such as winning the lottery or a serious injury) create only temporary changes in happiness levels, and everything returns to normal after a short time. Even when you achieve the girl of your dreams, then in a month all the delights are replaced by the despondency of living together.
Therefore, you do not need to look for happiness in the global, you need to look for happiness in the simple, trivial, in the volume of Blok at hand, and dumplings in the pan. Happy people can do more positive things by creating happiness around them.

People living on perfectionist-consumer autopilot are convinced that if they don't find the perfect partner, the perfect job, or earn the perfect amount of money (roughly 20 billion), then they can never be happy. At the same time, truly happy people understand that having an interest in life, keeping a positive attitude, and catching a buzz from simple little things, they get all the same emotions.

A black woman from Mali is happy with the rain and food, an Albanian immigrant is happy with the job, and you are nagging because you don’t like your apartment, car, salary and saleswoman in the store.
When you turn life into the pursuit of satisfaction, you miss out on all the rides to the attractions in life, the only things that can bring happiness and joy. This does not mean that you need to renounce the goal, just do not make this goal the main measure of your mood and satisfaction.

4. You see yourself as a victim of circumstance.

The main distinguishing feature of man from other creatures is the ability to find those responsible for his failures. But if you are not afraid, and take the full for all the circumstances that happened to you, then you can see how much will change in life.

In the end, what nonsense - to shift the blame on someone. What are you hoping for? That someone will admit his guilt and, in order to justify himself, will do everything so that you forgive him? Of course not, this is just an excuse for your own helplessness, which is the result of your wretchedness, sluggishness and indifference.
The only problem is that it is much easier to live, exposing yourself as a victim of circumstances. The victim is never satisfied because satisfaction is not part of his personality. Complaining, gossiping, blaming others for your shortcomings - this is good for your health, as much as you want.

You need to take responsibility for your life, to realize that no one will ever be able to influence the state of your affairs until you yourself give it the go-ahead.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Life is a journey of ups and downs, trials and uprisings. Some especially lucky people had to take a sip of something that is hard to imagine. And they are nothing - they live and enjoy life.

5. You're just a pathetic person

Let's face it, you're just pathetic. If you constantly complain, you are never satisfied with anything, along the way burdening others with your whining and complaints, then it is obvious that you are a spineless rag. So shut up and get motivated. Nothing will change until you try to change something yourself.
It is pretty easy to explain why this happens to people: numerous traumas, resentments and disappointments, coupled with the brain features described above. There is exactly one recipe for this - all kinds of films and books that change worldviews. The main thing is to admit to yourself your own disgust, and start working, engage in discipline and self-development.

6. Happiness is a process, not a goal

As long as you see happiness as the goal of your life, it will invariably elude you. Happiness is not an end point to be reached, in fact, happiness is not a "thing" at all. Happiness is a way of being.
This is a way to enjoy every minute, appreciate what you have, and not envy. A happy person understands that life is too short not to enjoy every minute of it.
Many people say: “I want to be happy. But I don't know what it takes." Because happiness is practice.
Balance your mind and body with the help of the image that gives you the highest pleasure, there are no dogmas here, you don’t need to eat right, do exercises and the like, it will only ruin everything. So you will not be able to know yourself at a deep level, however, do not go too deep into the jungle of knowledge, so you can move your mind and become a famous philosopher.
And if you don’t know what comfortable conditions are for you, what lifestyle suits you, then experiment, shake up your routine. Life is one endless tasting of everything in the world, everything needs to be tasted.

The main problem in the life of the modern generation is that everyone has turned into whiners for any reason. Unhappily suffering girls and men with victim syndrome. You have half of the environment like that. How to get rid of people who prevent you from living and enjoying?

Often we meet whiners in life who do not like everything. Whiners are paid little at work, the state does not care, parents do not help, child benefits are small, there is no time, there is not enough money, they cannot lose weight, it is hard to live.

No time and nothing to do? Stop surfing the Internet, your phone, playing on your computer and lying on the couch. Time will immediately become enough, like everyone else.

Small salary? If you earn poorly, improve your skills, change jobs to another and get more. But is it easier to whine than to look for solutions and work?

Child support miserable? Before you have sex, think about whether you can raise a child. No one promised to feed your children. This is your decision and you give birth to children for yourself, and not for the state, parents or others.

Poor health? Drinking, smoking and walking all your life, and then complaining about your health? At first, they thump pregnant and smoke, and then they collect money from the whole world for the treatment of a child?

Banks take money? And there was nothing to take a new iPhone, a car and other similar nonsense on credit. 50% of things that are bought on credit or by installments are not really needed by a person.

Too fat, thin and bad heredity? And how many times do you play sports a week, how do you eat and what kind of lifestyle do you lead? It's easier to complain than to go for a run and go to the gym.

Parents or grandparents don't help much? Your parents gave birth to you and raised you. They don't have to give you a car, get you a good job, and move out of your apartment to make room for you.

Money is tight? Eternal complaints about a small amount of money in your wallet? But show off through the roof. Every weekend at the club, expensive phones, branded clothes, trips to Europe and money down the drain. Maybe less show-off or earn more?

People are always complaining about things. If a person constantly complains, but does not change anything, then everything suits him. He likes to just whine and evoke sympathy. He is not looking for a solution, but wants you to regret, help, or join the stream of negative whining.

How to protect yourself from the flow of negativity and whiners?

Create distance with the whiner. Avoid always dissatisfied people and try not to communicate. Whineers make you weaker and drag you into their whining abyss.

Ask for a solution. Ask how the person is going to solve their problem. Usually whiners shut up, because they need to complain, not solve the problem.

Ignore. Sometimes the closest people whine. Turn on imaginary protection, nod and smile.

Like to whine - whine. But please step aside, do not pester with your tears and snot to people who want to rejoice in life and enjoy every day.

He comes home and right from the threshold, not yet taking off his shoes: "Where are my slippers? Nothing can be found in this house. What the…" . And off we go. Is this situation familiar?

You'd better make sure you have a hot and hearty dinner on the stove. He will gradually approach the still hot stove and will definitely indicate to you that the potatoes are undercooked or not cut so well, that there is not enough onion and, in general, the cutlets are overcooked. And making you feel that all your efforts were in vain, satisfied, he will leave the kitchen and go to his favorite chair or sofa, and sitting comfortably, he will ask you to bring him a can of beer.

But the calm will not last long. Even if you carefully set the table, put the whole house in order: wipe the floors to a shine, remove every speck of dust from all corners of the furniture, bleach the tablecloth ... He will still find a flaw in something.

Do you recognize? Whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, your chosen one will always and in everything find a “defect”, “marriage”, “dirt”. Day after day, discontent grows and, in the end, it is already difficult for you to restrain yourself and not answer. Or do you just keep quiet and try not to argue, because you can't override him.

Memories of the past

In desperation, you remember your first dates, how he was caring, how was attentive to you. He came exactly at the appointed time, remembered your birthday and even your mother's birthday, knew what your favorite flowers are, what you like to eat, your favorite color, movie. How is he at first was shy and taciturn, afraid to say something wrong. How attentively he listened to your stories about the past, about your past husbands, suitors, boyfriends.

But now it's different. Now all that perfect memory has turned against you. Instead of an inspired and touched look, you see a look of reproach with the words “you wouldn’t set the table like that for another”, “you wouldn’t answer like that for another”.

The perfect memory of your husband is no longer a joy to you. Every day more accusations. For any reason and in any situation. This is the perfect memory! And you are no longer glad that you told him something at all. It would be better to remain silent.

And even if you have already lived with your husband for more than one year, and already from the first date he taught you, told you how and what you need to do, corrected you, and you have already got used to this grumbling, taking it as a stable character trait .. .From time to time you regret: “It’s a pity that at first, in the heat of love, I didn’t notice this.”

Every year his accusations, reproaches, corrections, and remarks grow. Already he just scolds you and makes a reprimand for any reason and for no reason just to "hook up". Maybe at the moment you got used to it and no longer pay attention. “You still can’t fix it,” you think. But in the depths of your soul you would so like to stop it, to get at least a minute of peace from his grumbling and discontent!

Not life, but a continuous quarrel

You would really like to answer his "nitpicking", but every time it turns into even more attacks on you. He takes offense, turns around and goes to his favorite chair to watch TV, goes to the garage to “fix the car” or just drink beer with friends. And you are left with nothing to lose. After all any rebuff results in an even bigger quarrel.

Even if you take offense at him or try to prove to him that you are right, there is nothing you can do about it. This feeling stays with you and poisons your life. You become afraid of not pleasing your husband and feel tension inside in anticipation of a negative comment in relation to you or your work.

It's impossible to override it to prove that he is wrong is an impossible mission. This will be followed only by new scandals and nit-picking, even worse than the previous ones. You are constantly in a bad mood, afraid to say or do something wrong, and his criticism and discontent only grow. Is this life?

When good memory is bad

People who are fond of details system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan determines how the owners of the anal vector. Nature has rewarded your husband with an analytical mindset, an excellent memory and a special scrupulousness in relation to the smallest details. These qualities allow you to process large amounts of information, in order to then accurately convey them to others.

What happens when his scrupulousness and penchant for detail is not used to correct errors in notebooks, textbooks, on the blackboard or in scientific reports? Then all this "zeal" pours out on others. Without noticing it, a person begins to "teach" and "correct mistakes" even where they are not needed. And of course, this behavior causes irritation on the part of others.

It must be understood that any properties that nature has endowed us with have positive and negative manifestations. In this way, phenomenal memory helps a person become a remarkable scientist... Or it turns him into a vindictive and vindictive person who will remember to the smallest detail how he was “dishonestly” treated and wait for the day of “reprisal”, experiencing his resentment again and again, like the first time. And to remind you.

Correcting mistakes or humiliating?

The same thing happens with attention to detail. A person with an anal vector was born to accurately convey information, as well as correct inaccuracies. And he uses this property in his work and at home. For such people, it is natural and normal to “correct”, “correct” everything that is not said, done, written.

But there are times when it "gets out of control" and a person, being in a bad mood or in a stressful situation, begins to use this quality in its negative manifestation. Instead of fixing, cleaning out errors where needed he starts to criticize, dirty, make nasty comments about work done or about someone. For example, while watching TV, commenting only negative things about politicians, criticizing artists, bad words about any person.

Such a "working out" of natural properties gives him temporary relief. Stress is not relieved, there is no pleasure, but the “ache” stops for a while. Not knowing how to get out of difficult conditions in other ways, a person drives himself into a corner even more. Of course, the people around get it too.

We see many examples of eternal discontent. And in order to understand, to understand the reasons for the behavior of other people, it is enough to understand their point of view.

What to do?

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals the behavior of people according to eight types of vectors, including the anal vector. Through understanding the properties of each vector, you can easily and without problems help your loved ones, understand them, establish relationships with them, and understand the specifics of their conditions. You will be able to communicate with them correctly and effectively.

You will be surprised how much your husband's attitude towards you will change when you begin to sincerely praise him. For the most insignificant things, in your opinion, express gratitude, ask for advice. For a person with an anal vector, respect and gratitude from loved ones is the best “cure” for bad conditions.

In any situation, we manifest ourselves according to our innate qualities. You need to understand that another person may look at the same situation from a different perspective. That is why understanding the position of the other person is essential in order to solve relationship problems that seem insoluble today.

You can learn more about vectors, figure out what bothers your husband, at a free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. You will find a whole lesson about the features of the anal vector.

The article was written using materials

An eternally dissatisfied wife or problems are not out of nowhere.

Hello dear blog readers! In any family, there are crises, they must first be learned to recognize, and then overcome. Otherwise, you can decide that everything between you is over, love has passed, the tomatoes have withered. Or something like that.

If you began to notice that your relationship has deteriorated, and you don’t like it too much, think about it and be sure to determine the reason for this. Most likely, both spouses do not understand each other, so it is necessary to evaluate their behavior from the outside.

What happens to a man from a woman's point of view?

She tries her best, does all the housework, does laundry, cleans, cooks, and he doesn't care. Moreover, he also manipulates the feelings of his wife, she begins to think that it is she who is to blame for everything.

The man does not understand how bad she is, refuses to talk about important topics, dismisses the problems that exist. The husband moves away, begins to live on his own, which is completely unbearable. And you have to endure, keep silent or even make scandals. But all these measures are only getting worse and worse.

Is it possible to live like neighbors if there was a passionate love just recently? And where did she go, if there are feelings, but it’s impossible to talk about all this ?! Men really do not like such conversations and evade them in every possible way.

When cooling has come, and you feel that it is impossible to live like this, determine what feelings you experience. If you experience the same emotions every time, it is quite possible that you are being manipulated. Yes, men can do it too.

For example, you want to talk and talk about your problems, and your husband turns everything around so that you feel guilty, annoyed, you start to think badly about yourself, your self-esteem drops. And you feel really bad about all this. Who is to blame for this?

A man, his selfishness, thick skin, maybe he stopped loving you a long time ago, someone appeared with him. You can think a lot, but until you talk, you will never know the truth. And you will start blaming yourself, your unsuccessful personal life and bad luck.

What happens to a wife from a man's point of view?

And he is literally pissed off by the fact that his woman is constantly unhappy. What she is dissatisfied with, it is impossible to understand! It's just that the wife does not smile, grumbles, swears, says some unpleasant words about him, hurts his pride and does not even apologize.

A man, if a beloved woman is with him, does everything in his power to make her happy. When she is happy, and he becomes a happy person. And how does he understand that his wife is happy? By her behavior, by her words, by her smile, in relation to him personally.

And how does the wife behave? She provokes conflicts and constantly asks a terrible question: “Do you love me?” Throws tantrums at the slightest provocation. Or she is silent, pretending that her husband is not around. And silent for several days in a row!

Special, right? Wants to drive a man to madness, probably!

The husband does not understand that he is simply brought up in this way, because it is too difficult for him. He doesn't care about his wife's feelings. Why? And men of women's emotions and do not distinguish at all.

Therefore, you should use such a simple method as explaining what you do not like.